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¿Las personas podemos cambiar? - Comuna Mujer
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Home / Calidad de Vida / ¿Las personas podemos cambiar?

¿Las personas podemos cambiar?

¿Las personas podemos cambiar?
Las preguntas acerca de si las personas tienen la posibilidad de cambiar, siempre son relativas a cuál sea la expectativa de cambio que se tenga. 

La personalidad se construye: los años más importantes son los primeros, donde los modelos principales de los cuales tenemos nuestros primeros aprendizajes son los padres y las personas que interactúan e inciden en la crianza. Luego, los demás familiares, maestros, compañeros, amigos, profesores, etc. 

A lo largo de nuestra vida vamos teniendo vivencias que nos van dejando aprendizajes y nos van determinando nuestra forma de ser en el mundo. Cada experiencia nueva la enfrentamos con los aprendizajes previos que tuvimos, ya que son las herramientas con las que contamos.  

A veces hay herramientas que pueden haber sido útiles en un momento y luego dejan de serlo o también, pueden ser útiles en algunas áreas pero no en todas las demás. Por ejemplo, el ser perfeccionista puede haber sido una conducta que a algunas personas les dió buenos resultados en áreas como la profesional, pero le resulte un poco tirana en lo personal o a la hora de sostener sus vínculos, porque se tornan demasiado exigentes o con ideales imposibles de complacer, ya sea consigo mismo o con los demás. 

Ahí es donde la persona puede querer cambiar, si ya no le resulta beneficiosa esa característica de su personalidad. Muchas veces está el deseo pero no se sabe cómo hacerlo y por eso la persona no logra cambiar. Para poder hacerlo tiene que saber el QUÉ y el CÓMO; o sea, qué quiere cambiar y la forma de hacerlo. 

Antes que esto, tiene que estar la motivación, el deseo de querer y comprometerse al cambio. No sirve intentar hacerlo a pedido de otra persona... nadie logra cambiar si no lo desea: tiene que estar convencida de que quiere hacerlo. Por eso escuchamos muchas veces que las personas no cambian o que no duran esos cambios. 

No alcanza con proponerse cambiar la conducta, sino las variables de las que depende dicha conducta. 

Veamos en casos concretos para entender mejor este concepto. 

Ejemplos: 

a) Una persona cela mucho a su pareja cuando se arregla para salir.
b) Un jefe que se comporta de forma de agresiva con sus empleados.
 
Lo que tengo que identificar es cuáles son las variables de las que depende esa conducta planteada como problema. 

Supongamos que descubrimos en el primer ejemplo, que la persona celosa tiene la creencia interna de que siempre se siente "poco" para su pareja, y corre peligro que su pareja lo deje por otra persona y por eso la cela. 

En el segundo caso, supongamos que el jefe dice que se pone agresivo cuando sus empleados demoran en realizar un trabajo, porque él cree que es porque a ellos no les importa o son unos ineptos. 

Lo que tengo que lograr cambiar en cada caso, es la creencia que sostiene cada una de estas conductas. No sirve de nada si yo voy a la conducta puntual y no cambio lo que sostiene esa conducta; en este caso esas creencias, porque si solo intentamos controlar la conducta externa, es donde puede volver a manifestarse de otra forma en otra situación. En cambio si voy al origen de ella, voy a lograr un cambio mucho más importante y duradero

También influye positivamente sobre la capacidad de cambio, los resultados que se van obteniendo: en la medida que los cambios hacen que las personas se sientan mejor y se vean favorecidas por éste, va a ser mucho más probable que lo mantengan en el tiempo. 

Por esto es que los cambios dependen de variables internas y externas, las cuales hay que identificar y trabajar sobre ellas.

No es posible dejar de ser una persona y pasar a ser otra, porque además de estas variables mencionadas, se agrega otra más que es la predisposición genética. Si bien la mayor parte de nuestro comportamiento es aprendido, es verdad que traemos algunas predisposiciones de esta índole que de alguna forma pueden influirnos. Incluso así, el medio es fundamental para que esas predisposiciones se atenúen o se potencien. 

Por eso es que siempre hay capacidad y posibilidad de cambio... no infinita, pero sí suficiente como para vivir más en sintonía con lo que queremos para nosotros y nuestra vida. 

A no decepcionarse si hasta ahora no has podido cambiar una conducta: tal vez no has podido detectar claramente las variables de las cuales depende. 


Un aporte de:
Ps. Silvia Cardozo
Terapeuta Cognitivo Conductual 
Cel: 099 18 39 50 

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Muchas veces sucede, que se dan cambios en nuestra vida que nos encuentran sin las armas suficientes como para superar un determinado contratiempo. Si no podemos solucionar los problemas a que nos vemos enfrentados en un tiempo razonable, puede pasar que caigamos en depresión.

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