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Piensa antes de aceptarlo como tu pareja - Comuna Mujer
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Piensa antes de aceptarlo como tu pareja

Piensa antes de aceptarlo como tu pareja

El amor es hermoso... sentirse amada y correspondida, aún más. Sin embargo, hay relaciones que sabemos que no tienen futuro y aún así, continuamos en ellas. 

Muchas parejas que están de novios, se van a vivir juntos o se casan en la primera etapa del amor, donde todo es fantástico. Por eso, antes de tomar estas decisiones tan importantes, se aconseja esperar un tiempo para conocer a la otra persona y ver si eso es lo que de verdad te conviene. Presta atención a tu voz interior. Sí, estas enamorada, pero hay algo que no te cierra de esa persona... aún estás a tiempo de decir "ya no más" y conocer a alguien que sí te cuide y valore. 

Ten cuidado con aquellos hombres que te "viven"; por ejemplo, salen contigo y a la hora de pagar la cuenta, dicen que se han dejado la billetera olvidada. Esto puede pasar una vez, pero si usa siempre la misma estrategia, está esperando que tú lo mantengas. Tal vez no te importe... si es así, pues ¡adelante! Ten en cuenta que el día de mañana, no solo te tocará pagar una cena, sino que seguramente debas hacerte cargo de todos los gastos de la casa, incluso de la escuela de tus hijos si los llegan a tener. Generalmente en esta sociedad, son los dos quienes aportan en la relación, de acuerdo a los ingresos de cada uno. Si te hace agua el que siempre deje "olvidada" su billetera, pues no te embarques en una relación, por más que sea un encanto de persona. 

Mucho cuidado si lo has pescado en más de una mentira... generalmente tiendes a justificarlo y a pensar que no es tan molesto. Pero, ¿quieres a tu lado a alguien que viva en un mundo de mentira, donde tal vez hasta el amor que pregona por ti también lo sea? Te miente sobre su familia; te lleva a pasear en su auto, pero luego descubres que es un auto que le dió un amigo para vender, por ejemplo. Cuando estés en pareja viviendo con él, ¿hasta dónde tolerarás? ¿Hará que los hijos de ambos mientan para cubrirlo? ¿Qué tipo de ejemplo crees que les estás dando a tus hijos? Ten cuidado, ya que las personas mentirosas son hábiles declarantes; es decir, cuando las "pescas" en alguna mentira, te dicen que lo hicieron para agradarte. Creo que la forma de agradar y conquistar a una mujer, dista mucho de engañarla y mentirle

En esta categoría de hombres ,encontramos al "postergador"... el que deja todo para más adelante. Te sientes mal y en vez de llevarte al doctor, "esperemos a ver si te sientes mejor"... el que posterga sus facturas, las charlas pendientes... o sea, no hace nada. Tiene para todo una excusa, que es una forma de mentir.

Cuídate del hombre demasiado celoso, no pienses que es así porque te cuida. Este hombre te cela en exceso y no te permite llevar una vida feliz. Cuestiona y no te cree nada de lo que le dices, cree que todo tiene una segunda intención... si te enfrascas en una relación, vivirás una vida de tortura. Te exigirá que pruebes lo que dices y tratará de que quedes aislada, para quedar solo bajo su control. Si piensas que esto es amor, te digo que NO. Los celos pueden llegar a ser patológicos... podemos explicar que este hombre tiene baja autoestima o que es así porque lo engañaron, etc. Pero solo son excusas. Si piensas que él va a cambiar con tu amor, te digo que no es así. Solo cambia quien quiere y quien puede. 

No te involucres con hombres casados, date tu lugar. Tal vez sabías que era casado o te mintió que se estaba separando. Quiérete, valórate... hay muchos peces en el mar, ¿por qué meterte con uno que además de mentiroso, tiene una familia? Eso implica que tú pases sola la mayor parte del tiempo, sobre todo en fechas especiales como tu cumpleaños, el suyo, etc. A pesar de estar casados, pueden ser celosos y controladores, diciéndote que no salgas... ¡abre tus ojos! Seguramente no quiere que conozcas a otra persona o teme encontrarse contigo en la calle. 

Jamás justifiques ni un golpe. El que pega una vez, lo volverá a hacer. Aún estás en el noviazgo... estás a tiempo de salir. Sé que te pide perdón de rodillas, que estás en esa montaña rusa, donde ahora es un amor contigo y te hace regalos: están en plena luna de miel. Pero esto es un círculo vicioso. Si los improperios y los golpes continúan, pide ayuda para salir de esa relación, cuanto más tiempo pase, más difícil se hará salir de la misma

Apostemos al amor, al amor que no duele, al amor que cuida, que complementa, que es sincero. 

Esto es para que estés alerta... para saber si el chico con que sales, es el indicado. Es solamente una sugerencia, a veces ya lo sabes, pero cuando te lo recuerdan, es más fácil. Te lo digo ahora antes que la relación avance: aún estas a tiempo de tener al chico que te mereces. 


Viviana Vaisenberg
Terapeuta Cognitiva Comportamental

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